Infertility
Basics
This topic sometimes takes me where I am uncomfortable
going. When I was building this site, my 17 year old
son looked at the site title and raised his eyebrows
- he is a fairly sheltered boy, and thought this topic
was a bit racy for his mother to be addressing!
The definition of infertility used to be that you
had been trying to get pregnant without success for
more than two years. Doctors now recommend you get an
assessment after one year of trying. This is, presumably,
to catch those "easy" cases and prevent undue
suffering. But in reality, it often just makes the whole
process more expensive.
This type of site is very difficult to organize logically,
because there is a HUGE amount of overlap between topic
categories. So some of what is said here will be repeated
elsewhere, in greater detail.
Infertility can be a result of female problems, or
male problems. Those problems can range from mechanical
dysfunction (sometimes surgically correctable), to hormonal
problems, to genetic abnormalities. They can be caused
by developmental problems, chemical exposure, improper
diet, or other environmental influences. Problems may
be temporary, or permanent.
To further complicate the issue, there is a great
deal of overlap between infertility, and repeat miscarriage.
The causes may be similar, or different, but the aspect
of childlessness is the same. The emotional reactions
can be much more severe with repeat miscarriage. Extremely
early repeat miscarriages may be mistaken for failure
to conceive. Because of the overlap, both situations
are addressed in many of the areas of this site.
Medical treatments vary widely in complexity, and
invasiveness. In-vitro Fertilization is probably the
most expensive and invasive of common infertility treatments,
a prescription of Clomid is perhaps the least complex
and invasive. There tend to be fewer options for repeat
miscarriage than for infertility, though that is changing
as technology advances and our understanding of what
causes repeat miscarriage increases.
There are a ton of websites out there that have information
on treating infertility with herbs, or that discuss
potentially damaging substances. Unfortunately, many
of the herbs recommended can actually harm a fetus and
reduce your chances of a successful pregnancy. And many
of the substances accused of causing genetic damage
have no reliable information to back up the conclusion.
The whole subject of natural treatments for infertility
or miscarriage is a mire of confusion. And there are
no real answers to that other than researching multiple
sources, and choosing to heed counsel that is informed
and that minimizes risk.
Emotionally, infertility is very difficult to cope
with. You get on this emotional roller coaster, where
every month you are let down, until you don't even want
to hope anymore. But when you ovulate again, you really
can't help hoping. If you are experiencing repeat miscarriage,
you get to where BEING pregnant is no longer a joy,
but misery, because you know that it just means you'll
probably miscarry again, and waiting becomes a particularly
difficult type of torture.
People tell you to "forget about it and it will
happen naturally". To which anyone who has BEEN
there knows, unless you have a kid who is diagnosed
with cancer, or some other REALLY catastrophic event
in your life, you CAN'T just forget about it. It is
THERE, all the time, in the back of your head.
No one knows what puts that desire to bear a child
so strongly in a woman's mind, but once it is there,
it is very persistent. We don't ask for it, it comes,
and then we have to cope with it.
Men and women handle infertility differently, and
their compulsion to have a child will often be very
different. Good communication and tolerance are needed
to keep a marriage strong through the ups and downs
of trying to get pregnant, or trying to stay pregnant.
It really helps to understand that a spouse WILL feel
differently, and that their reactions will look very
different on the surface, and then to allow those differences
and accept them.
In the world we live in, there is a great deal of
judgment toward people with low incomes who want a child.
Income does not determine a person's ability to be a
good parent. So this site is not about who should or
should not have a child, it is about offering options
to people who cannot afford medical care that is so
expensive, and not necessary to life or limb. And for
people who feel that a child who has not been born is
worth sacrificing for, but who simply do not have the
ability to pay for the thousands that infertility treatments
could cost.
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